Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Building Trust

Yesterday's behavior from Gaelle showed us once more that our children still have deep places of fear and insecurity and we have a long way to go to build trust with them. Her spinning behavior was an indicator of her insecurity. 2 people she loves left her briefly. They came back but it still took something out of her.

I remember the first time I read The Connected Child by Karyn Purvis. It was early in our adoption journey and I was reading everything I could on attachment and adoption. I remember thinking how different this was from parenting our biological children. There are some practical suggestions in this book that we find so helpful and yet foreign at the same time.

The goal of most parents is to lead their children to independence. However we are working towards attachment and trust. Our adopted kids are usually very independent and able to perform tasks well beyond their years. A powerful nurturing tip is to allow our children to regress in behavior and age. In other words... allow them to act like a baby... feed them... rock them like a baby... etc. Not always easy to do because we think it's harmful to treat them like a baby. However this helps build trust and allows them to experience things they didn't when they were infants and toddlers.


Anonymous said...

The cottage looks lovely. Yes, it brings back memories.

Rebekah Hubley said...

You are right on Beth. It will be very interesting when we bring Angelina home to see how she behaves. Jonas was a baby, well kinda, but he needed help like a baby, so it was easy to treat him like a baby. WE had him on a bottle until he was 3 1/2. I would not change a thing... He has come so far. You are doing an awesome job and will reap the rewards...