Saturday, May 31, 2008

1 year

Well, I knew that our lilacs are just coming out and that's when I started this blog so I looked back and sure enough, my first post was May 30.  So, how is it going?

Well, I had a few goals... to model writing for my youngest daughter was one goal.  I can't say that I modeled effectively.  My writing was pretty sporadic.  But Kaylin does see the benefit of good writing and has asked to continue with our writing at home even though she is in public school.  So, that's good.  I have been disappointed at the lack of writing instruction in all of Emily's public school classes.  It's so important and so neglected.  Sigh...

I also wanted a place to write down my thoughts, just for me.  Well, that has been harder for me to accomplish.  I have only shared this blog IRL with a couple of people and that's just because some photos wouldn't go through their email and they could at least see them here.  So even tho nobody I know IRL is reading this, I am still so aware of offending people, or letting people see too much.  So my writing has been generic, to say the least.  I think the problem is I lean towards criticism.  It's the ugly reality I try to hide/ work on/ avoid.  I always hear, "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all."  So, I don't say anything at all... I just think it.  Ugh...

I also want to use this space to support and receive support from the international adoption community.  As our process goes on and on,  I know that support will be critical for my sanity.  

So, new goals for the next year.

1) model writing for my daughter
2) be more authentic/ open up more
3) visit more adoption blogs and comment on them - try to find a community of support

That's it.  Not hard.  Just do it.  

Friday, May 30, 2008

Grandma's kitchen

Lately, my dad has been talking about keeping the old homestead.  Sounds kind of countryish, doesn't it.  But it's just the house where he was born and raised and his dad was born and raised.  It has tons of memories for all of us.  

All I can remember is my grandparents always living there and always lots of people around.  My aunt also has lived there as long as I can remember, helping take care of things.  I know that my dad has lots of memories and he doesn't want to give them up.  He also always wants a place to call home.  

But as far as I'm concerned, it will just be a shell.  The thing that always made it special for me, was the incredible kitchen.  Not that it's a beautiful or cutesy kitchen.  It's quite plain and practical.  But the fire was always going.  Something was always baking.  Women were always working at something, usually in an apron.  People were alaways hanging out in one of the chairs or stools in the kitchen.  

I can't even imagine going there, with the door locked up, the place cold, and nobody home.  Nope, not for me.  Might as well sell the place.  But it's not my decision to make.  

This is a picture of Josh & Emily "helping" to shell lobsters.  

Thursday, May 29, 2008

May update photos

We have been blessed with photos of Peterson & Gaëlle this May.  These are some of the photos from GLA.  It's kind of funny because usually Gaëlle is full of giggles and smiles in ALL of her pictures.  Not this month.  She's a little on the serious side and Peterson can't hide the smiles.  

I love this one of the 2 of them together.

He's gone

Well, Josh has left the building.  I can't believe I have a son who has completed his first year of college.  How did that happen?  I feel like I'm 18 myself.  I don't feel old enough to have a 19 year old son.  But I do!

He has gone to the same camp every summer since he was 8, either as a camper or counselor/worker.  This summer was no different.  Even though he will not make the money he could be making at another job and even though he will be working hard (and did I mention the lousy pay), he has still chosen to spend this summer at camp.  I am really proud of him for his choices.  I know that this is a ministry and not just a job to him.  

He spent 2 weeks at home before he headed off.  Let's just say that his days were not filled with activity.  Most of his friends are already working and he had to leave his "stuff" behind at school.  It's hard to justify the expense of flying home a bike, guitar, amp, along with all your clothes.  So... he spent most of his time with me.  Lucky guy.  I have to say that I am so proud of him, but he was getting a little frustrated with his lack of activity.  

Anyway, his days are filled now.  Miss ya, Josh.

Tuesday, May 27, 2008

A special visit

During this adoption I have become part of an online community.  We're all in this together.  It's really special when a fellow parent goes down to Haiti to pick up their child.  2 moms from our online group just went to Haiti.  One of them graciously took a small package for us.  And then sent back pictures of the kids.  Here are a few of the pictures.

Still no news

Adoption from Haiti is not an easy process.  I have found myself playing a little game trying to inwardly guess when each step will be completed.  I am not very successful.  So far I have been off on every single mark.  Homestudy completed by Christmas.... NOT.  Dossier sent to Haiti by April... NOT.  Referral by July... NOT.  Out of IBESR by April... NOT.  I try not to share my guesses with others, but I have to say that I am disappointed by the slowwwww progress of our file.  

I know that Gaëlle & Peterson are in a great place.  I know that this period of transition is probably very good for them.  But I started the paper chase in July 2006.  It's very probable that they will not be in our home until July of 2009.  Even though I hope they will be home by Christmas 2008.  That's 3 long years of waiting.... for us.  

Last week a local social worker called to see how the process was going.  She had a family interested in Haiti.  So I was sharing our timeline and she was aghast.  What is taking so long?  Hello... your own department, which has all the modern technology available,  has delayed us over and over again, unnecessarily.  And you have the nerve to get all worked up about the long process in Haiti.  Where people carry around files in person.  And food riots are happening.  And I could go on, but what's the point.

Anyway,  it's really hard to let these children in my heart and then just sit back and wait and wait.  I have held back quite a bit with my emotions.  Trying to protect myself, probably.  But it's difficult to think of 2 sweet children who I want to hold, love, and protect... but I can't.  It's out of my hands.  But not God's.  How do people go through this without the belief that there is a higher power who is sovereign and in control.

I just finished the Beth Moore Bible study on Daniel and God spoke to me over and over.  

Daniel 2: 20 - 23

20 "Praise be to the name of God for ever and ever;
wisdom and power are his.

21 He changes times and seasons;
he sets up kings and deposes them.
He gives wisdom to the wise
and knowledge to the discerning.

22 He reveals deep and hidden things;
he knows what lies in darkness,
and light dwells with him.

23 I thank and praise you, O God of my fathers:
You have given me wisdom and power,
you have made known to me what we asked of you,
you have made known to us the dream of the king."

Daniel's prayer of praise has become my prayer.  So powerful and so comforting.