Our adoption A's

Anxiety: It doesn't take much imagination to think about all of the new situations our kids face daily. They have been home with us for 4 months and there is not one thing about their new lives that resembles their old life in Haiti. Needless to say, this creates lots of anxiety and stress for them. As we've gotten to know each other better, we are gaining knowledge about their triggers and what we can do to calm their spirits. One important thing we can do is create structure and routine. The past few weeks have been full of upheaval with all of our family arriving home and we can really see the negative results.

Angular: Now this one is not as obvious but it's a huge indicator to us that all is not calm in Gaelle's spirit. She is a little girl who loves to be held and to snuggle but when she is anxious, her little body becomes all elbows and knees and sharp angles. When she first arrived home, she could not cuddle without hurting us. Every physical interaction with us included pain. We know she feels safe and calm when her body softens.

Chatty: This one refers to Peter and I couldn't find the right A word, so C it is. He has a strong sense of curiosity and a strong desire to learn. From the first day with us, he was eager to try all kinds of new things. However, when he becomes anxious, there is constant chatter and all kinds of nonsense questions and it gets out of control. It can become annoying and so difficult to respond to appropriately. But we are learning and developing our own tools to help him stay calm and to not start running off at the mouth.

Attention: This is a huge reality for the kids. They both crave attention. As you can imagine, life in an orphanage with 70 other kids creates all kinds of survival skills. Our kids both developed their own unique ways of getting attention. Peter is the smart curious one. When he is seeking attention, out come the incessant questions and endless chatter. When Gaelle wants attention, out comes the super adorable, very cute performer. This is where the balance comes in. We want to give the kids appropriate attention, but we want them to learn that they don't have to perform in order to get attention. It's tough. But we're all learning and there are some great resources on the internet and in books which have been life savers.

Aroma: Speaking of the internet, this is something I learned just last week. About the time, Peter started going to school we suddenly noticed really bad body odor. I assumed that he was playing much harder and was just sweating a lot and he had BO. But it was really bad for a 9 year old. We found it kind of strange because when we were in Haiti, he sweated a lot and we didn't notice BO. Over the past few weeks, we have noticed that his odor has gone. Didn't think much of it, until last week when I read on an adoptive mother's blog saying that stress triggers elevated levels of cortisol which some believe results in odor and also an increased appetite. That would certainly explain a few things. Peter eats more than I do and he isn't gaining much weight. The start of school was obviously super stressful for him.

Activity: This was probably the first thing we noticed when the kids arrived home; they can be active. They're used to constant physical play and love to be outside playing hard. This is all good. However, when they are feeling anxious, their activity becomes frenzied. People who aren't around them regularly can't even tell the difference. But the level of play becomes almost desperate and we see the chatter from Peter and the angles from Gaelle. If they are given free reign we will see meltdowns; Peter withdraws and Gaelle tantrums. So obviously, it's best to stay in control and to limit outside influences to keep the frenzy down.

I could go on and on with the symptoms of stress in our kids. Sometimes we know it's coming and sometimes we're caught completely off guard. Right now, we're trying to keep things calm and on schedule and we're trying to keep their world as small as we can. Not easy, but so worth the results.