Comeback

My reading choices of late have been somewhat similar. I'm reading about Haiti, adoption, or family relationships. This one falls in the relationship category. Comeback: A Mother and Daughter's Journey Through Hell and Back
by Claire & Mia Fontaine is painful and excruciatingly honest. I don't know how a mother and daughter could so graphically share and communicate their journey, but they did.

So often when I read a long and painful narrative, it feels as though important details have been left out. This story flows seamlessly from the first attempt by Mia to run away from home, to the final yet tentative reunion, and manages to include background information tying everything together.

Even after reading their story and knowing the trauma of abuse, I still can't understand such intense pain that creates this need and desire in Mia to leave the ones she loves the most and destroy herself in the process. I've always been from the camp that love can solve a multitude of problems. Good therapy is the answer. It sounds like Mia had good therapy and intense love and it wasn't enough.

This especially weighs on my mind as we look to the addition of Peterson and Gaëlle. There will be pain in their background that love and good therapy may not be able to conquer. My prayer is that the ultimate healer will hold them in His hands and cover their wounds with His unfailing love and mercy. I also pray that I will have the strength and the wisdom of Claire to fight for my children to the ends of the earth.

Welcome Gaëlle and Peterson

It's hard to believe this day is finally here, but today we officially accepted a referral for 2 kids. We received the proposal on Thursday and then kept on going for our anniversary get away. What an incredible time. We had uninterrupted time together to really talk and discuss what was on our minds. I'm so thankful for that because this whole thing was so emotional for me.

We sat down in Halifax Public Gardens and looked everything over. The emotions just rolled over me. Unbelievable! We are going to have 2 more kids. And they are so adorable. I mean, really cute!!! But as exciting as this is for us, I just felt such sadness for Gaëlle and Peterson. They don't deserve such loss. Nobody does. But especially not my kids. Wow, I know this is just a referral and they aren't officially our kids, but I am feeling a connection.

The big 20

So hard to believe but 20 years ago today, I married the love of my life. Where does the time go? How did I get here with 3 kids and 2 more on the way?

I can't say that I remember my wedding day like it was yesterday, so maybe it has been 20 years. I can't remember every step along the way, but I know it has been wonderful. There is nobody I would rather have at my side than Robin. I have the best man for the journey of life.

We started out as friends and we have remained best friends. I love being with him and talking with him and laughing with him. It has been fun. I mean that. I have had a blast being married to Robin.

I know that I will never fully understand all of his quirks and I will never be able to anticipate what will come out of his mouth. I mean, to celebrate the past 2o years, he planned a trip to Cape Breton for the 2 of us. Now, that's not a surprise. He loves to get away with his child bride, that would be me. No, the shocking thing to come out of his mouth was his 2nd career plans. He wants to run a Bed & Breakfast. Keep dreaming Robin. I just love to hear you dream. Here's to 20 more years together.

Avengers of the New World

Avengers of the New World: The Story of the Haitian Revolution
by Laurent Dubois chronicles the remarkable history of the first and only successful slave revolution in the Americas. Because the people, places, and events are not familiar to me, I had to slowly read and try to absorb all of the foreign information. I was also constantly turning back to try and figure out references that didn't make sense to me. However, my effort was well rewarded. I have a little understanding of the rich history of Haiti.

Dubois carefully sets the stage for the success of the Haitian Revolution and perhaps why it was never duplicated. First, was the importance of a few French plantation owners passing on property to their mulatto children which ensured that there were wealthy and educated free people of color. Men like Julien Raimond worked tirelessly to expand rights for free people of color, even though he didn't fight to extend the rights to all people of color.

The effect of the French Revolution, playing out during this time, which stressed " Libertie, Equalitie, Fraternitie" also must be factored into account. There were men in positions of power who believed these ideals applied to not just the French but the slaves in far away Saint-Dominigue, current day Haiti. Their voices must have encouraged those embroiled in the fight.

During its struggles with Spain for control of this valuable island, France allowed slaves and free men of color to fight on its side. This provided the slave insurrectionists with valuable military and leadership experience. Many of these well trained men would then turn around and fight against the French people.

Another factor which can not be minimized is the climate of Haiti. From the time of Christopher Columbus to the present, the crushing heat and disease devastated scores of people of European origin while the people from Africa seemed to thrive in the climate.

The struggle for independence involved so many other important factors and timing that just could not be repeated. In addition to the deep resolve of the Haitian blacks and the arrogant miscalculation of Napoleon Bonaparte, the pragmatism of the insurrectionist leaders guided the revolution from its 1791 slave revolts to its successful conclusion in 1803. Toussaint Louverture, Henri Christophe, and the first president of Haiti, Jean-Jacques Dessalines achieved liberty for the black people of Haiti. By creating a society in which all people were granted freedom and citizenship, the Haitian Revolution forever changed the world.

Why Are All the Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria?

"Why Are All The Black Kids Sitting Together in the Cafeteria?": A Psychologist Explains the Development of Racial Identity
by Beverly Daniel Tatum strives to encourage dialogue about racism. It certainly succeeded with me. I found myself quoting from the book and discussing with my husband many of the ideas that left me confused, intrigued, or saddened.

Beverly Daniel Tatum starts out with her definition of racism. She believes that racism is a "system of advantage based on race" and racism is "more than individual beliefs and attitudes". This puts her in direct conflict with many others who include the presence of prejudice in their definition. Her point of view was valuable to me because it helped me see the power of white privilege and the role of white privilege in our world.

I found her section on black identity helpful. She included several stories of young children expressing their opinions on color. Her own child was asked by a playmate if he was brown because he drank chocolate milk. While this story caused me to smile, it also illustrated the natural curiosity of children and the awareness of differences; the need to catalog those differences. Discussion should not be stifled. Difference is not bad. It just is. Kids should feel free to observe and share.

The author is a professor and has taught classes on racism. She frequently shares stories from those classes and her broad experience shows in her writing. I'm not ready to embrace her stand on affirmative action and I question some of her conclusions. However, I would recommend this book to all. Not just those who have an interest in racial injustice. We all need to understand the impact racism has on our culture and be willing to learn from each other.

Field trip fun

One of the joys of homeschooling is going on field trips. It's just so easy to pick up and go when the day is beautiful. We had a day like that this week and it turned out to be one of our great trips.

We have been studying the French and Indian Wars and we read about the battle at Fort Anne in 1710. Well, that spiked my interest because we are only 90 minutes away from the fort and we have never visited. So... why not? Also, it has been rare for us to visit a fort that actually experienced battle. So... even more reason to visit.

The small museum and guide were pleasant and informative. The fort was picturesque. The sky was blue. The air was warm. It was just Kaylin, myself and several senior citizens out for a day of exploration. We loved it!

We also took the time to visit Port Royal, just a short drive away. This was the 2nd attempt the French made at settling in this area. The first was at St. Croix. This one was slightly more successful but still didn't last long. The fort was built in 1605 and burned by those rascally English in 1613. The reconstructed fort is really well done and worth the visit. Thank you Parks Canada for investing our dollars so well. We had a great day and learned a lot.

Not too old for dolls

Kaylin has always had an interest in black dolls. I can't remember if her first black doll was a Barbie or her Bitty Baby. However, Baby Addy, as she called her, easily was her most loved and cherished doll. I will never forget the smiles and the shrieks of pleasure that Kaylin just could not stop that Christmas when she opened her present and found her doll.

Through the years Kaylin has added to her doll collection. A black American Girl doll that she calls Addy. Multiple Barbies and groovy girls with dark skin. And for the past few months the two of us have been scouring eBay, looking longingly at Corolle dolls online and visiting our local thrift stores. Soon after we received the phone call from the social worker, I knew what I was looking for. And miracle of miracles I found her in a toy store in my parents' home town. We stopped off there to visit on our way to Virginia and I found the cutest little doll.


What 2 year old girl wouldn't love Babipouce Graceful from Corolle? At least we're hoping our soon to be 2 year old girl will love her.

Jumping for joy

Our entire family was home together for a whopping 2 days this summer. But that's not the whole reason for celebration. The joy is what happened for 5 brief minutes during that time. We have been waiting for a referral from our orphanage since our papers have been in Haiti in June. I've been trying to be realistic on a time frame since there are so many families ahead of us.

Our referral has to go through our provincial contact at Community Services and who should call but Community Services. Our orphanage asked her to ask us if we would consider an initial referral because the age limit is slightly different from what we asked. We asked for a sibling group that were 6 years and under. They want to send us a referral of a 6 1/2 year old boy and his 23 month old sister. YES. I think that fits with our criteria but they wanted us to amend our homestudy.

That has finally been done and now we wait for the official referral. But the neat thing is that all of our kids were home when we got the phone call. How cool is that? Even though Joshua is now away at university, he still was a part of this really big step. We know the ages and gender of the kids and hopefully we'll get news soon. Vacation is over and it's time to get moving.

A Big Mouth

How do people know when to keep their big mouths shut on their blog? There are a bunch of things I would love to "talk" about but it seems like I would be violating the privacy of others, and so I am quiet. Much too quiet. I haven't posted much this summer and so much has happened. My son is amazing me with his wisdom. My daughter is ready and willing to give so much of herself to others. My other daughter is just so neat that I want to shout it out loud. But I don't want to embarrass any of them or potentially hurt somebody's feelings. But the stories are great!

There are also a couple of book reviews that I would like to post but they seem too overwhelming. I guess that's the difference between real writers and wannabes. The real writers just love to put words down even if it's a struggle or hard work, which I'm sure it is for most writers. I keep procrastinating on the time consuming posts. Oh well, at least I'm learning a bit about myself.

I'll just keep plugging away and try to walk the fine line between blabbing and holding it all in.

Going... going... gone...

Yes, my son of 18 years has left the building. We drove 27 hours to Virginia and dropped Joshua off for his first year of university. Not the most flattering picture but I want to remember the room and my son and the whole experience. It was an experience. So many emotions and thoughts and questions going through my mind.

As a homeschooling mom, did I prepare him well enough academically for the next level? Did I impart all of my earthly wisdom? Did I give him enough pointers on the little nuances of life? Yikes, I could go on forever with the doubts.

As we passed through Charlottesville, VA (who even knew there was a Charlottesville) and we saw the signs for the U of VA, I was just struck with how little I know about this part of the country. I don't know anything! We don't have any contacts! The Christian community tends to be small but this is one part of the community where I don't know a soul. It felt lonely and I wasn't even staying there... just my son.

As we entered Liberty, I was amazed at the size. Yes, I grew up outside of NYC, but I've lived in small town Atlantic Canada for the past 20 years. Who am I kidding? I love small town living. Lynchburg is not a huge city, but the campus was larger than I expected. The parents and students were all over. We soon figured out where we were going. Key first, then unload my son's earthly possessions.

The students we ran into were nice. It's comforting to think my son is in a place with nice good kids. Robin was even jealous of the adventure Josh will have. I had a sense that this was going to be fun for Josh. I am so happy and excited for him.

I think Josh was most excited over his cell phone. Yes, my son is connected. His Uncle Tim bought him a phone for graduation, but it wouldn't work in Canada. He was thrilled to finally be on US soil so he could get a signal. He even called us after we left him. And he called the next day to ask me a question. Bless his heart! How's that for southern jargon?

It was tough to leave him. The roads and parking lots were full, but he was standing there all alone. He wasn't alone for long, but it was heart breaking to see him walk away from us. Robin even wanted to hang around for a couple of hours the next day, but I wouldn't let him. How's that for role reversals? It's time to let go. It's time for him to spread his wings. What a cliche but so true.

We miss him, but I'm thrilled with the young man he's become and I know he will continue to amaze us and himself.